6.29.2007 i deal with it.

she blooms....SOLD!

miz marisa of creative thursday
has tagged me in a "secret's of
dealing with adversity" podocast.

yesterday i had all these ideas
and thoughts that i was going
to share. but this afternoon...
i got a strong dose of displeasure
and it made me take a more
honest look at how i deal with
unpleasant issues.

first let me say, i am a scorpio...
i am passionate, loyal and extremely
jealous in nature. i hate the jealous
one, i truly do. i am also moody.
so when i have to deal with one of
life's curve balls, some days, i am
pretty much embarrassed by what
transpires. i end up with a pouty
attitude, i slip into the woe is me
syndrome and why is this dark
cloud hanging over my head. now
i will say that these less than attractive
ways are generally saved back for
bad haircuts, leaky faucets/pipes and
lemon cars. if we have a major health
issue, family/friend emergency, then
i can step up and say this is life and we
will make it through. for me, my unattractive
dealings tend to be when it has to do withme
personally. i do tend to suffer from low
self esteem, but as i get older, it last much
shorter spurts, of the woes. and in the creative
world, the less you take to heart the better.
i learned in college to take critiques and a
step, even the ugly ones. it is only
helpful to listen to feedback and use it in a
positive manner. please... for those of you reading
this and know me personally
you don't need to
remind me of my short comings in
this dept. i do
realize i am not 100%....but who is.

at the age of 21 i gave birth to a beautiful baby
girl. not only was i not married, but she was
recently a dear friend reminded me
of my courage
and strength that i used while
raising her in a lilly
white world. what most
people considered an adverse situation, i
considered only one thing, she
was a godfilled
blessing, she was born -as we all are-
for a purpose.

2 years ago, i took a huge leap and some days
a huge pay cut, to start my little freelance studio.
in a career
driven world....i take this as another
god filled blessing,
that i am able to create on a
daily basis and get to be a
full time mom to my kids,
who are proud of me. on days when checks aren't
coming in, i remind myself on the fact that - this is
my gift in life.

and most current days, when life shoves something
seemingly unpleasant at me - i instantly think of
henry tucker and caroline harmon. if you take time
to think of what others are dealing with, our own
adversity doesn't really seem like adversity. of
course, i am not
perfect, like i said i am a scorpio...
i have to work at this!

on a happy note, today [she blooms] sold. it was
hard to part with her. she was my first
true "the girl" piece. i didn't like her at first, but
when i hung her on
the hallway wall, next to the
studio, i fell in love, so when the buyer showed
interest i had to really suck it up and let her go.
but she has found a fun place to hang with a pretty
funky chick who carries warhol train bags....

see each thing that we meet in life is just a simple
lesson, a blessing and eventhough at the moment
- it may not seem to be, it is just that.

holy crapola...i just realized that i didn't tell you
what my strong dose was today! bryce suggested
that we go to the mac store to finally purchase a
laptop. yes, i am a designer and i live without
laptop. so we toodled over to keystone at the crossing,
to give a look see. as we entered the doors, i looked and
bryce and said" what
the hell is this". lawn chairs
strategically positioned in three straight
rows and a
security guard. IPHONE....people sitting waiting for a
$600 phone. and then the bad news. mac store closed
for 4 hours to prepare for phone sales and then when
the reopen tonight, only phone sales...the
wind left my
soul for a quick moment. as bryce laughed, i could
envision myself kicking him in the shins. so now i am
laughing about the lunacy of it all. at the moment,
i played the part of the victim, which i seem to do with
such grace! like veruca salt said.... "but daddy i want
it now!"

what is your secret?


bless my soul *[original]

original...that is me. what you see is pretty
much what you get. now if i could just
remember where i left that self-confidence
and we will be back to normal.

after a good tongue-lashing, from my friend
miz becky. and a few others - i am feeling
so much better. its just that - a lot of people
look to me as the rock. but some days, i just
can't do it. that was last week. too many
crazy things came up and i let me mind
wander too far out. but i listened to myself,
my friends and thought of henryboy and
miz caroline. that always puts you back to

and speaking of originals.....i have put 4
originals from [thegirl] series on etsy....
check out my happygirl shop here.

blessings ya'll....



today...i wish i had the ability to write great,
inspiring ,insightful things. my mind is full of
thoughts and views, but to get them down
- here, seems
to be impossible. from my head
to my fingers
something gets lost, jumbled,
confused. i get
frustrated with what i say
here, i don't think it
makes sense. i have a
dear friend whose husband
is extremely
smart. actually i am surrounded by i.q.
freaks. i am married to one. i wasn't blessed
in that way when i was born. -sorry back to
the story, he corrects my grammar and
i love him for it. his wife is mortified
when he
does this, the only problem for me
is that my brain won't allow me to store it.
i have no short term rention, which sucks
because i love to read - studying is not a
pleasant thing for
me and never was. for 2
days i have done nothing
but have crying
spells. for a number of reasons,
jobs have
hit me again. 5 big jobs all at once and
i have
to get them done, who know when the next
will come in. kids are home for the summer, we
great for 2 weeks - but this week, another
story. bryce is teaching summer tennis and
driver's ed.
this week our lives has spun out
of control. i feel
used up, chewed up and spit

i am feeling this urgency to move
forward, but it seems like all my limbs are
being tightly held. i
feel like the time is now
to jump and find where
i fit in - in this world
of art. ihave so many ideas spilling out of this
crazy mind of mine, but nowhere
to go with
them, no time to get them on my canvas
full of
colors. i do know there is a place for me out
but finding the time to research, that is
the kicker!
sometimes bryce gives me that look of well just do
it - i think he has a sick need to get
his pretty
little face smacked. easier said than
done. it is
the end of june and we have sat on
our deck once
this summer. now that is craziness!

i truly apologize for having a crappy attitude today.
with all the suffering, illness and abuse out there,
i sound like a blubbering spoiled baby. but this is
where i can vent, i needed to get it out. i need
to stops the @#$#%@% tears.

i do know where my blessings lie......
my retreat, my studio
my friends who make me laugh uncontrollably
nick coming to give me a big hug [he had
just been with c in paris]
my growing garden
and the 5 housemates who some days just
about send me over the edge.




holy candles - notre dame, june 2007

[ when you are sorrowful look again
in your heart, and you shall see that
in truth you are weeping for that
which has been your delight.]

~kahlil gibran


henry tucker

cleats - digital rebel, june 07

and a woman spoke, saying, tell us of pain.
and he said: your pain is the breaking of the
shell that encloses your understanding. even as
the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart
may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.

and could you keep your heart in wonder at the
daily miracles of your life, your pain would not
seem less wondrous than your joy;

and you would accept the seasons of your heart,
even as you have always accepted the seasons
that pass over your fields. and you would watch
with serenity through the winters of your grief.

much of your pain is self-chosen. it is bitter
potion by which the physician within you heals
your sick self. therefore trust the physician,
and drink his remedy in silence and

for his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided
by the tender hand of the unseen,

and the cup he brings, though it burn your lips,
has been fashioned of the clay which the potter
has moistened with his own sacred tears.

~kahlil gibran, the prophet [ on pain]


bless my soul *[scorpio]

I suggest we title this chapter of your
life story "The Perplexing Joy of Hundreds
of Emotions," or maybe "The Wild Peace
of Way Too Many Feelings." That may be
a bit of an exaggeration, but it's an apt
reflection of your immediate future:
extreme, expansive, melodramatic,
spectacularly educational, and filthy
rich with intrigue. You may not break the
world's record for most mood shifts in a
good cause, but you could very well
smash your own personal record.

scorpio horoscope - week of june 7th

thea directed me to this horoscope. why don't you play

too. oh, btw - this is smack me in the face - honest!
bryce and i just had a long conversation about [ME] tonight.

damn - i hate #$%@^& hate when he is right.


shoes, canon rebel - june 2007

walmart + $10 = shoes
kelly + no organizational skills = messy desk

rock on henry and caroline! you are my heros

happy weekend ya'll


bless my soul [henry tucker!]

there is a young lad in our sleepy little town,
name is henry tucker. i have written
several times
about henry and his fight against
cancer. he is still
fighting. he and his family and
a large group of team
henry are asking for
prayers. today his lovely mom,
michelle started
his blog off with this.....

Even if you suffer from a long term-condition, there
is defiantely a way of not falling into despair. If you
are a a Buddhist, tell yourself: "consider the countless
beings that are suffering just like you and pray that
their suffering may help to appease theirs. If you do
not have the strength to reflect this way, the simple
fact of being aware that you are not alone and that
many others are in the same situation will help you
to bear your hardship.

If you are a Christain and you have faith in God as
creator of the universe, comfort yourself by thinking,
"i have not wanted this suffering, but there must be
a reason for it since God, in his compassion, has
given me life.

If you do not have any religious faith, you can think
that however terrible your misfortune, you are not
the only one to suffer in this way. Even if you have
no belief, try to imagine, above the area of your pain,
a vivid light that pervades and dissolves your pain,
and see if that helps.
-The Dalai Lama

she is a true hero as henry and his whole family are
to those
of us who check in daily with them. i am so
drawn to the
tuckers and their story. my heart is
breaking knowing that
henry has had to endure such
obstacles in his young life. today the tears have finally
caught up with me. he is such a champ.

please take a moment to pray, meditate or offer up
whatever it is that makes you feel at peace. ask
that henry, is peaceful
and happy, surrounded with
a powerful light of hope, strength
and continual
peace - love - grace.

you can visit henry and the gang here