my brain spins....
not sure where i will end up with this post. today my
mind is full of chaos, things i wish weren't there, floating
around - banging into each other like bumper cars
at the fair.
last nite i got out of bed at least 4 times, to check my squam
checklist...do i need sheets, should i take a rain coat. do
i even have a rain coat, where the hell is that flashlight
and i pray someone didn't run down the batteries.
..chaos..
i have a friend that calls this monkey brain. gotta
go, got to swing - branch to branch, back and forth.
this summer - oh this summer. a huge disappointment.
we have not planted one flower, no garden. no lawn
cushions, no tiki lanterns or cookouts. my yard seems
baron. i need color, i need the cool breeze on a summer
nite on my face. we haven't even had friends over for
a cookout. not our normal summer
..swing, branch to branch...
too many obligations, too many jobs coming in
at odd times of scheduling [odd way to put it]
all we did this summer was work and do things
on weekends, that weren' t ideal summer fare.
with all of this comes so many other branches that
i swing back and forth too. dear friends who are
struggling to keep it together. where is our place
in this. when do we step in and say, please - let
us help.
we, as humans, have such a desire to be heard.
our feelings must be validated, justified. and
yet as we cry out. we tend to make terrible
decisions, hurtful decisions, that change our
whole course. why. why are we so self-destructive.
i am constantly amazed at in our nation, our generation
of information. we have every self-help, diy book
imaginable....yet - we still make decisions that are
so hurtful. how is that. ah yes, the whole human
factor. doctorates, masters, bachelors.....further
education. yet - it doesn't make the heart any
smarter, wiser or forgiving.
no no...for that we must dig deep into our character,
our soul and remind ourselves that sometimes,
we have to put the other in front of our own
desires, our validation.
one other thing. school is back in session. b is back
in the middle of fall athletics. some days, i just
wish my husband had another career. our town
is so small and it takes two seconds for the word
to hit the street. only this time, i heard it first.
and the info weighs heavily on my mind.
..chaos..
i so want to get through this week, box up all my
artwork and supplies and get on that plane. to
sit and paint, talk, dance, giggle and learn. to
meet a new dear soul, running into another friend
face to face. no emails back and forth. just sharing,
creating - growing.
mmmm.....wow, the mind is slowing down and i am
feeling calm.
thanks for the ear!
