my so called mind
old grill, old picture
i would like to say that i am okay.
i want to live the life i am meant to live.
dont we all. today i feel like someone has beat
the crap out of my mind. bryce and i have been
attending a new church. we both feel so at home
there. we go to class each sunday for the new
comers. it is nice to attend the class with him.
but today, just as each sunday, i come home feeling
refreshed and quickly one thing throws my mood to the
wind. and i asked him how he can let so many big things
go, but why can't i. he looked at me and said, " you have
too much conflict in your head. and he is right. when
he said "conflict" it was like i melted. the hair on my
arms stood up. he is right.
some days i think i am living in the wrong era. our world
is so out of control, there are few boundaries, kids are
adults, parents are friends. i continue to allow others
words to bed under my skin like a grain of sand that just
bores deeper and deeper. how do i let this all go. how
do i tell someone that they are out of line with out
coming off judgemental or hateful.
i have a new dvd, pema chodron. this week i will try
to listen to it each day. i will work on letting of my
anger go, let words roll off as quickly as they hit me,
i will spend more time with my kids, listening to them
and not worrying about how other parents are doing it.
i will try not to hold b accountable for things that he
wont put an end to. i will handle it myself. [this is a
really hard one. this is very personal and has had
a ill affect on me. after over a year, i have learned
that he isn't going to help on this and i have to let
it go] i can do this!
i will find a way to be happy where i am at and stop
focusing on when i can leave here. i may never get
to go to another environment, so i have to find a way
to be happy here, at least for now.
i will continue to exercise and watch what i put into
my body. i will be mindful of my food and nourishment.
i will take time to reflect. i will work on not allowing/
others negative energy to affect my everyday, my
people, your people.
i will remind myself everyday, that i am worthy,
i can do this, i am blessed. [stewart b. smalley]
conflict + kelly = her so called mind.
....and now from my sponsors, five really good
things that i am going to focus on this week.
new books on encaustic and screen printing
happy comments left.
a husband who always talks me off the ledge.