ode to friday

it's friday....amen!

this week have given me a swift kick in

the ass. i am wiped out and am dreaming
of a long nap this weekend.

yesterday when i opened the mailbox, i found
a card from a friend. inside she wrote...
[ i miss your friendship]. she lives one block
from my front door. it made me cry.

i have realized over the last year, that although
i have began my freelance journey - i am not
any less busy. i think i have more on my plate
now then when i went to an office everyday.
it truly is a better busy, but i have found that
i still can't say no. i am still pulled from many
directions. and since i have began working from
home - looking back on the year - i have
distanced myself from so many people.

i was burnt out on people and all the crap that
goes along with office politics, downtown politics
blah, blah blah. we live in a very small community
and if something happens, it is spread throughout
the county very quickly. there isn't much privacy
here. few honor others personal space. when
working in our office, i went from a cubicle, to
an office and back to a cubicle. when i had the
office - the door was my favorite feature. i could
close it - when i didn't want to listen in to the
town gossip. not that i didn't sit in on plenty.
but my door became my best friend. when we
had a new employee join the group, i went back
out to an open air office...i cringed everytime i
heard something i shouldn't.

when i received the card yesterday, alot of emotions

came to the surface of my pain. my friend - has become
friends with my previous boss and i know that subconciously
i have pulled back because of this. i know that she loves
me, but they have kids the same age in the same class.
but i had talked to her at length about issues i had
both personally and professionally with my boss. nothing
serious, just occassions where i needed to vent. and
because i trust few here, i worried that their friendship
over ruled our friendship. i knew i was pulling away - and
i just couldn't stop.

i have done this with many others. i am not trying to be
unfriendly - i just needed a break from all the gossip,
and involvement. i don't want to hear things that are
none of my business. it isn't healthy for my psychy.
i hold too much - to close to my heart. and i know
it is hard for people to understand this. they feel i am
not being friendly, that i am not playing the game. but
that is just what it is - a nasty, mean spirited game.

when i opened my card...i was in the middle of writing

a letter to my family. i love my warped little cherubs and
bryce dearly and i truly love the fact that i am available to
them at most any time...but they have began taking advantage
of my presence at home and my letter is titled...
[mama is tired]. you may see me on the news as the
mom who has gone on strike. and soooooo all the babbling
has a point - kelly is tired, as stated in a previous entry

tired kelly = bitchy kelly

i am missing all my painting - i was in a good flow
i am not accomplishing any of my 2006 goals
my studio is a fat mess
i have yet to take on art class
i have got to begin saying no more...on all sides

i will nuture my soul
i must rework my organization
i will make my family read my letter
i will take better care of my physical health

i will take time to nuture my friendships.
i will work on not allowing negative forces to
intrude on my life
i will start participating in my creative groups again
and i will take the time to read, paint and create
because these are the things that keep me sane
in the crazy superficial world.

just babbling again....have a happy weekend

- k


the weigh in

after reading so many blogs talking about
spring renewal, personal worth, weight gain -
it has made me want to start fresh....yet again.

i guess that is life in a nut shell...picking up the
chard pieces of our daily lives and re-working
it when it is necessary.

if only i would take the time each day to do
what is necessary, to take steps so that i am
not continually fixing the leaks and holes

that i have created just by simply not paying

this past fall i did weight watchers and lost around

12 lbs. and it felt great. and as my 12th week came
i just decided that i needed that thursday evening to
make sure i was with my kids. there was also a
chick there who weighs you in, and everytime i
went up to be weighed, she would make a comment
about how she didn't know why i was there. it
really discouraged me. i was the smallest person
there. but when your next size up jeans need to
be greased before you put them on - then you feel
like you are big, no matter how much you weigh.

so 2 months ago i bought the new windsor pilates

with the resistant circle. okay that was all good,
it only took me 2 months of looking at it sitting in
front of the tv to decide - the hole needed to
be plugged!

so...i officially started monday. yes we must always
begin on the monday. tonight i went to the school
to do my cardio, so i weighed in. for the love of
god....why does every scale in the world weigh me
in at 10lbs more then my scale. looking at my
weight watchers booklet...i have gained back 8 of
the 12 i took off in the fall. thank you lord it wasn't
all 12, then i might have had to shoot myself [only joking].
my bathroom scales will be adjusted accordingly.

i have realized that i have gained almost 27lbs since
bryce and i got married 6 years ago. bryce on the
other hand has stayed skinny. but he doesn't eat
cheese fries and peanut m&m's either.

i have been enjoying the pilates. i love the stretching.
so i am taking my measurements and documenting them
tonight and in thirty days, i will check them again.
bye bye cheese fries!

on a creative note...i went to a new art coop opening
and even though most of the art was not to my taste...
seeing the artists and talking with them filled me with
such energy. i love going from studio to studio and listening
to each one, eyes wide open with such a love, such
creative force.

this place is a big daisy in a field of weeds. it sits
in the middle of a very itty bitty town and because
of the dedication of a few creative residents - a dream
has become.

happy to be.....

married to a blessed man who loves me even though
i am guirky and roly poly

in the middle of a big creative mess

the mommy to 3 beautiful, funny, warped, head strong cherubs

on the best street in town

asked to help out


so blessed...even though sometimes it slips my mind



{a very messy desk}

i am always bewildered by all the contradictions

that we see daily. today while pulling out of the
cvs parking lot. i watched a young mother
riding a bike with a child cart in tow....she was
smoking a cigarette as she steered her toddler
down the street. as i smirked to myself, i realized
that i am not immune to these contradictions. i went
to cvs to pickup some bottled water after my
workout. i also picked up a natural health book...
okay so what is so contradictary about that?
i also spotted 1/2 price peeps and marshmallow
eggs. you know the ones, hard shell, brite happy
colors. I BOUGHT THEM! i had just worked out.

since my new career move of working from home, i
often spout about how more organized i am. the
image above is of my desk this very moment. hmmm....
seems i need to work on those organizational skills.

i am also often annoyed when i see a family or couple
out for a walk and someone in the group is chatting
on their cell phone. or a mom talks about how all the
time in the car going from activity to activity allows
for quality family time and everytime you see her, she
is on her cell phone.

just thinking outloud -

...happy tuesday!


good on friday

{original artwork - clancy and denisha}

no school today...this always seems to create caos
in the household. kids spending the nite. late
bedtimes. we had friends crash at our house last
nite and i ended up going to bed at 2am. so we
have a tired kelly.

tired + kelly = bitchy kelly.

bryce took the kids to meet their aunt this morning.
they will be with the dad for the weekend. after they
left i went into my studio to get a few things done and
like always - the playstation was not put away and clancy
left all my art supplies out. brushes were drying up, paint
everywhere. my new flower stamps full of paint. ughhhh...
can't it be simplier than this? so i called them on the cell
phone to discuss there antics. gabe of course, apologized
the second he got on the phone [he is like eddie haskle],
clancy on the other hand, was her usual defensive self.
not wanting to take on her respondsibility. so next time -
no studio time. maybe i should make my kids pay for
studio time. put down a deposit for use of my studio
and supplies.

the weather is beautiful again today in middle indiana.
sun is shining, walkers passing by. this weather makes
me happy. it is amazing how much i have gotten done
since the weather has warmed up. i am a sucky
winter person.

on this good friday, i am happy about....

-matt's visit today
easter this sunday
-my kick ass week
shoeless feet
-clancy's creation above
hearing gabe's bass from outside
-sitting on the porch swing and my kids coming out to join me
cheri' coming home
-and bryce stepping up and being the kids chauffer

many blessings to all this easter weekend...amen

happy friday!


camo scarf

i have finally finished my camo scarf. in the
comedy of kellys life, today it is 70 degrees
in the ville. such is life. i have come upon
so old vintage earrings. i am going to cut the
clip off and attach a pin back. i will crochet
a large flower and then attach it to the
crystal pin....sweet!

i still have 3 more scarves to finish. maybe this
next year, i can try to move on to some new



today while visiting my friends smed's
journal on diaryland...i was taken back by
his honest entry. he spilled, gushed and laid
it all out about his respect for his wife, liz.
{scott is in bottom row with the glasses}. i
adore liz and his honest, pretty love letter brought
me to tears.
not only because i know these two
personally, but
it is how i feel about my "b". he
is my light, rock
and the big oak of this family.
there are times that
i am so mad at him, i want
to scream and all he has
to do is give me one
look and i have to hide my
face so he won't see
me smile.

pictured above are also a few others who are our
lifelines. the guy in the sombrero...that is jeff. we
celebrated his 50th last friday nite at our local
and very tasty - mexican restaurant. the margaritas
are damn good too! i have known jeff for 20 years.
he sends all of us birthday cards every year. EVERY
YEAR! not just me and bryce, but all three of our
kids. and not just our family...EVERY ONE in our
family of friends....AMAZING! and then there is
pete and becky....whitey and leslie [they're my
in-laws.] he's the one with the $$$ and she is
wearing the glasses. of course i can't leave out
tom and heather. she's my partner in crime
and can sing a mean copacabana. there is
brent, greggie, amy, tank, steve and marty

these are our lifelines....some days i wish we had
friends who had friends with older kids, or more
friends from church and i wish i felt more trusting
towards people associated with bryce's job. but
at the end of the day when i lay my head next to
bryce...i am thankful for these lifelines. they have
blessed me with friendship, laughter...lot's of laughter,
theme party's, shoulder's to cry on. they are
my pep session in life.


happy tuesday...


summer feet

{summer feet}

today is the first day that i have gotten to kick
off my heavy winter worn shoes. no trouser

socks - windows thrown open.

indiana is having a beautiful day. no gray sky,
at least for now. this afternoon we are in for
more wind, rain - storms. but i am taking advantage
as long as i can.

there is a beautiful breeze flowing through my studio.
my house smells of fresh sheets in the summer.
the sun is warm and i am happy.

looking at my feet, i realize that they still show the
remains of last summers tan. they are in need of
a relaxing pedicure. but for today, they are free
of the stiffling socks and shoes. and they are very
happy with the fresh coat of polish.

enjoy your day!


just plain happy

{new mixed media in process}

happy about....

gracie gasaway has arrived!
lunch at brix with my sister
getting back to painting
spring break
this sunny day
organizing the studio
my new [the container store] catalog
listening to bob marley and matt costa
opened windows
ice tea