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8.29.2010

..in the process of becoming..


..becoming..

the summer is near the end. the deep humidity is slowly easing
here in the cornfields of middle earth.

the studio has been less the productive the last three months and i have
to be honest, i can say it is because we had so many commitments in
our summer schedule, we did. but the truth is, i just don't have it in me
right now. i feel far removed from my art, several friendships have seemed
to crumble and i am searching to find my way back....why the hell didn't
i take the basket of bread crumbs. i simply feel lost.

am i lost forever, of course not. will this ease - i believe it will.

today while cleaning the studio...prepping for the big R.E.N.O.V.A.T.I.O.N.
i found a little piece of heaven. my gal valerie, shared a simple handmade
bookmark with me, while we retreated on the beach in manzanita.

"we are in the process of becoming"

ah-ha! there are those breadcrumbs. i had them all along, just that in the
muck of the studio, the were buried.

this process of becoming, i believe, is a life long journey. i have become
a daughter, mother, employee, friend. some days i become who i am meant
to be and other days, i stumble, becoming someone i don't recognize as i
gaze in the morning mirror. sadness and low energy greets me along with
a bad case of bedhead.

as i look around this studio, i see the simple things that i love the most as an artist,
my brushes, a table so full of bottled color - i am like the dog of pavlov. so as i regain
my footing, i give this studio a big hug and continue in becoming the artist i know i
am.

do you ever think you have no influence on anyone, that your voice is not heard? i
seem to do this everyday, but then i am reminded in an easy carefree way, that i have
made someone smile, or their day a little better. and with those moments, comes a
severe tongue lashing for myself, for being so selfish and insecure. we all make
a difference, each and everyday. and if we skip a day, that is okay. there is someone
there picking up our slack, like maybe we did for them the day before.

"we are in the process of becoming"

just another reminder of my becoming came from the artist known as twiggy. she
gave me this little box wrapped in a big bow today.

embracing the little things is how i hop back on the path of becoming.

14 comments:

doorways traveler said...

becoming is the constant act of creation, i think. birthing, dying, and cycling back.

lovely post.

elizabeth said...

Becoming does seem like a life-long journey, though I confess that I sometimes wish I would be done, and just "be" already.

My dear Kelly .. I smile whenever I think of you and whenever I see (or wear) my lovely necklaces that remind me of you. You are indeed making a difference in my life.

Love to you!

Jennifer said...

I fully resonate with this post. Becoming really is a life long journey. At times that can seem daunting to me and at others times I am filled with so much optimize about it.

"do you ever think you have no influence on anyone, that your voice is not heard? i
seem to do this everyday, but then i am reminded in an easy carefree way, that i have
made someone smile, or their day a little better. and with those moments, comes a
severe tongue lashing for myself, for being so selfish and insecure." I think this is exactly how I have been feeling lately. Sliding back into invisible, but really I am not. It is a constant push and pull.

Thank yo so much for this honest post. You my dear make a huge difference in my life. You make me laugh, smile, and sometimes even shout with glee. I am so blessed that our paths crossed in this lifetime. What a gift you are to the earth. You bring delight wherever you go just by being you. I love you Kelly!

Kelly Berkey said...

becoming has to be a life long journey. if we have become everything we are to be, what is the fun in that? the whole thing is about a continuous growth of becoming more or less, depending on our needs at the time. that's the ride of life, and it's beautiful.

you touch souls every day sweet kelly, yes you do. you are a cool chic, the cool one that everyone secretly wishes she could be:-)

jenica said...

oh hun. you took the words right out of my mouth. (((bighhugs))) love YOU.

liz elayne lamoreux said...

such beautiful truth here my friend.
you are brave and amazing, and i so very hope that you look in the mirror today and own all the truths of your path.

xoxo

Steph said...

Such a beautiful post Kelly. Sending you a hug...

Stephanie
xo

Jennifer/The Word Cellar said...

It's strange how easily we can lose ourselves, lose our way. But it happens to each of us, I think. When I see your artwork, I think of how much joy and talent and juicy goodness you have inside of you. I'm sure it's in there, even when you're not feeling it.

Swirly said...

It is an ongoing process, with no final destination, and sometimes part of that process is walking away from our work/studio/etc. so that we can return to it with fresh eyes. Sending you a big hug.

marilyn said...

becoming. for the life of me, i cant even imagine what that looks like. i too think it is a journey. one that our soul takes us on. i'm so glad our souls collided, kelly, and i can witness you becoming. you are truly a gift from the universe. i love you

Kim Carney said...

I think I am in the "re-process" of becoming :)

You are amazing and don't you forget that for one minute

Yeah, and I am going to go give my studio a big hug and try to find the table top

xoxo
Kim

jen gray said...

i just love you, and that is that.

bella said...

Hi Kelly. What honest and beautiful thoughts and feelings you've shared here. And you know, sometimes I feel invisible and not seen and overlooked and sad. And then something helps pick me up.

I'm glad I clicked over here today to your space.

K8 said...

ok, so I'm a little late to chime in...and you're probably out of your funk by now. but in any case... Hmm...yes, I hear you. It is, of course, a journey - we know that. but I, too, get frustrated and think "ok, well even if I don't have it all figured out...can I at least have 90% of it figured out?" but it never really feels like that...does it? but what I do know is that you are incredibly talented and inspiring...and funky! so if you ever feel like you're in a bit of a funk...instead, think "I AM funk" - cause you bring it & you're fabulous!