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3.27.2009

where did i go


spt . march 09 . canon rebel
some days i feel like i am flittering
up above the world, looking down
seeing each of you busily working
away, while i just float. i feel like
the last 6 months i have struggled
to keep the creative flow moving
and have missed out on prime
opportunity. never quite knowing where to
begin, what to put my time into or where
my talents will fall.

too many days, my
home life interupts
my studio life, each
holds a deep spot
in my heart. i can feel the beaches calling
my name, the brushes yearn for more
action and the cherubs continue to grow
so fast before my eyes.

i have finally gotten the studio in a good
flow pattern. things are put away, odds
and ends have been sent to the trash,
old magazine have been pitched. does
anyone one else hoard magazines? do you
buy them because of the colors or artwork
on the cover? holy crap - i have a true
disorder.

i guess what i am trying to say is that
since squam, i don't quite know where i
went. i feel like i am finding myself again.
but it has taken a bit of time. it is confusing
because i came home so full of energy, ideas
and goals.

the gypsy in me yearns to find a new space,
but right now, it is not to be. so i will walk
to my fridge door each day and look at my
little photo of the airstream i dream of, the
one with the little prayer flags draped across
the awning, parked somewhere near the water
with two rickety chairs in front, an ice cold
beer nestled in the grass....listening to a little
marley.

peace.

8 comments:

beth said...

awww K....this was beautiufl and completely understood.

and I think all of that combined with surviving winter just takes a toll on us and now with spring, we start to grow again....

and those magazines and studio cleaning...I did so much of that this winter and I could still do more. I sat for hours and tore out favorite anythings from magazines and filled garbage bags full that went to the trash or goodwill...what a cleansing !!

and now I don't buy that many magazines...instead I'm one of those awful people at barnes that sits and looks at them in the store and then gets up and walks away without buying...

but books...I still buy books !!

thanks for coming back...you were missed :)

melanie said...

so much of this completely resonates with me right now, kelly. for months now i have felt off kilter. floundering between home and family and creative pursuits and who knows what else, but i feel like i am running in place instead of actually making impact on the ground and moving forward. ugh. i am so hoping spring gets me out of this funk.

stef said...

oh can I be with you and that airstream - my dream too!!!

are you going to squam this year??

Jennifer/The Word Cellar said...

The great thing about opportunity is that it's always coming around again. No worries.

Erin said...

i feel you...oh, i do. you are not alone in any of this.
*feeling lost with your creativity
*obsession with magazines
*keeping control of your gypsy-vibe
i feel you girl, i do...you're not alone
**in this lovely blog world, you're never alone**

Swirly said...

Beautiful girl...commenting to you from New Zealand! These past many months have been peculiar for a lot of us, but it is all fuel for our creativity. The quiet times are necessary too. I am sending you a big hug.

lauriecoyle said...

Lovely to see you back here; the quiet times are so very necessary, like Swirly said! Time to digest, process, synthesize all that creative energy -- good for you, really.

And if magazine hoarding is a disorder then I'm in biiig trouble. ;)

jenica said...

this: "i can feel the beaches calling my name, the brushes yearn for more action and the cherubs continue to grow so fast before my eyes." was divinely inspired. beautiful and so where my heart is right now.

you haven't missed any opportunities. i'm a firm believer that clearing space is NECESSARY for the next endeavor to have a place to reside. this winter gave you the opportunity to sit with sick kids, to be a mother, to clean and clear, to prepare.

i'm a magazine whore. i love to touch the silky pages, ripping out my favorite images for some unknown future project.

LOVE you.