bad fog of lonely

how is it you are around those you love,
friends, kids and you still feel this fog. it weighs
deep on me, causing me to question, wonder and

stages of feeling like you aren't where you
need to be. you have some how missed
out on on specific moments, chances
..moments of lonely

i breathe, breathe so deep that the filling
of my lungs hurt. but i have to go that deep
the breath evens out my pulse, my thoughts
and my mood.

i ask, am i the only one who feels unsettled.
is it that i am so selfish in my wants that i
yearn for more or is it that i haven't reach
my point, my reality, my place where i truly

the unsettled feeling rushes over me, it
pushes me to places i really don't want
to go. that roller-coaster feeling returns,
right as you hit the top, your belly fills
with butterflys and suddenly you feel
queazy and out of control.

i tend to blame the scorpio in me,
i am too fickle, to passionate. and
at the same time, i am happy, i love
my kids, i love my life - and yet this
little voice tells me - you aren't there
yet. a gypsy wandering through the
daily channel.

bad fog.


Liz said...

Have you ever asked the voice: well, then where am I supposed to be and when will I get there? Maybe it will answer... [love your dialogues...] xxoo

Sarah said...

Oh, dear... I get these fogs, too, Kelly, and struggle with the same feelings of ick about them. When I'm on the outside of my fogs looking in, though, I have to think there's a good reason for them. They make me feel so powerless, but at the same time they're pushing me toward something I believe I'm meant for. Perhaps that something won't come to pass in the way I imagine it, but I feel strongly that the fogs keep me attuned to what my next steps should be. Hell, they got me to Squam, where I'll be seeing you again in mere days! Proof positive that they have a silver lining... :)