..crap that bogs the life..

my brain spins....

not sure where i will end up with this post. today my

mind is full of chaos, things i wish weren't there, floating

around - banging into each other like bumper cars

at the fair.

last nite i got out of bed at least 4 times, to check my squam

checklist...do i need sheets, should i take a rain coat. do

i even have a rain coat, where the hell is that flashlight

and i pray someone didn't run down the batteries.

..chaos..

i have a friend that calls this monkey brain. gotta
go, got to swing - branch to branch, back and forth.

this summer - oh this summer. a huge disappointment.

we have not planted one flower, no garden. no lawn

cushions, no tiki lanterns or cookouts. my yard seems

baron. i need color, i need the cool breeze on a summer

nite on my face. we haven't even had friends over for

a cookout. not our normal summer

..swing, branch to branch...

too many obligations, too many jobs coming in

at odd times of scheduling [odd way to put it]

all we did this summer was work and do things

on weekends, that weren' t ideal summer fare.

with all of this comes so many other branches that

i swing back and forth too. dear friends who are

struggling to keep it together. where is our place

in this. when do we step in and say, please - let

us help.

we, as humans, have such a desire to be heard.

our feelings must be validated, justified. and

yet as we cry out. we tend to make terrible

decisions, hurtful decisions, that change our

whole course. why. why are we so self-destructive.

i am constantly amazed at in our nation, our generation

of information. we have every self-help, diy book

imaginable....yet - we still make decisions that are

so hurtful. how is that. ah yes, the whole human

factor. doctorates, masters, bachelors.....further

education. yet - it doesn't make the heart any

smarter, wiser or forgiving.

no no...for that we must dig deep into our character,

our soul and remind ourselves that sometimes,

we have to put the other in front of our own

desires, our validation.

one other thing. school is back in session. b is back

in the middle of fall athletics. some days, i just

wish my husband had another career. our town

is so small and it takes two seconds for the word

to hit the street. only this time, i heard it first.

and the info weighs heavily on my mind.

..chaos..

i so want to get through this week, box up all my

artwork and supplies and get on that plane. to

sit and paint, talk, dance, giggle and learn. to

meet a new dear soul, running into another friend

face to face. no emails back and forth. just sharing,

creating - growing.

mmmm.....wow, the mind is slowing down and i am

feeling calm.

thanks for the ear!