fear [studio friday]

{when you hold back on life, LIFE holds back
on you.}

FEAR...seems to rule my creative life. i have been
staring at the mixed media piece above for over
two weeks. i have put my taxes on top of it,
books have been placed on top as well. my mess
seems to continually find its spot there. i cleaned
a bit yesterday, i seem to clean up everday. never
finding time to just loose myself in the studio. i
lose myself in the untidyness. i can always find
something else to do. i fear that i am not good
enough. i fear what would happen if i did succeed.
i fear making too much money - not enough money.
that i may gain recognition, yet i yearn for recognition.

i have an unbelievable support system, from all sorts
of walks of life. many i haven't even personally met.
but they are there cheering me on.

i want to feel worthy, i need to believe that this
is what i am meant to do. i have to rise above
the fear.


AscenderRisesAbove said...

Wishing I had some words of wisdom... I don't. I know exactly how you feel though. Fear loves company?

megg said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
megg said...

I understand exactly how you feel. I often wondered why I wasn't sending writing away and I realize now that I wasn't only afraid no one would want it, I was deeply afraid someone might! I guess it's just about gritting your teeth, believing your cheerleaders and doing it. best wishes!!!

P.S. Sorry, it was me that deleted that comment, there were just too many spelling mistakes to leave it!

isay said...

i think you are already overcoming some of it....i love the picture. indigo color is positive and it can be the color of the sky above and could mean you are not the type who would easily give up and taken by your fears.

beki said...

I understand what you are saying - I was reflecting on this very subject this morning. Looking back, fear has kept me from so many things over the years. I'm trying to over come my fears, but it is so hard!

Joy Eliz said...

You are worthy and you have a lot to offer this world. I think sometimes we are not meant to know our exact purpose but I believe we are always on the right path.

mati rose said...

i want to see your art~ have no fear, my dear! i get it tho. you CAN do it!

Carrie said...

Cool picture. Fear can stop us from doing what our soul yearns for. I hope you will believe that you are worthy. It is a struggle sometimes but I hope you push past it - you will be OK on the other side. Reality check for me is always "what is the very worst that can happen" and I'm always alive at the end of the thoughts! :)

Brandi said...

KELLY - I SOOOO HEAR YOU ON THIS! I am very comfortable with my mixed media but I havent painted in over a week and a half. Anyway, I wish I had some advice for you but I am in the same boat. Hope it helps to at least know that you are not alone. There is a great book that I am reading that is really cheap called "Art & Fear" by David Bayles, it has some good stuff in it. You may want to check it out if you are a reader. Wishing you huge piles of art confidence! Brandi

dani said...

it's so bizarre to read words that could be coming out of my own mouth.

and now that you're actually articulating what you want - you know what's going to happen - you're going to find everything falling into place.

go girl!

heidi said...

you are going so far by opening up to the that you've owned it, overcome it and create 'til you've spent all your energy and made a masterpiece of emotion.

beautiful entry, kelly!


Brandi said...

Kelly - I added you to my blogger list, hope you dont mind, I really enjoy your work and reads. I added you as Kelly-Indigo Soul, if this is wrong, wasnt for sure, let me know! Thanks for sharing! Brandi

Friederike! said...

Kelly, I know these fears too and I talked to many other artists who also do. But I also know these fears stands vis-รก-vis overwhelming happiness when you are in the "flow" of creating. Sometimes it´s a thin membran you have to break through and sometimes it´s a brick wall. Let´s break through

navylane said...

you are so worthy! but i totally relate to your fears. find a positive mantra and repeat it over and over and over again until you believe it with every ounce of your being, until it inevitably becomes your reality. go for it, girl!
· melanie

Misty Mawn said...

Don't let the fear get to you! We all have it, just ignore it and paint, cut, and glue your heart out!

Tine said...

I hear you only too well! I admire that you are so honest despite your fear! That is the first step into the right direction!
Fear of success is what I would think you have. Sounds familiar because that is what I have and am fighting against. I finally wnat to break that cycle and you can do it, too!! You deserve it so much!! Be open to whatever comes your way and don't thinktoo much about it. Just reach out and grab and hold on to whatever it will be and know that you can do it!
We always stay far away from that what we fear because it is too painful, just like an animal or a horse that doesn't want to jump over a hurdle.
Imagine the possibilities should your success come true and what you would feel like and hold onto that vision. It will happen, Kelly! You are so talented!! Shall I come across a secret on my way i will let you know. I haven't found it yet though ;-)