adversity...how i deal with it.

she blooms....SOLD!

miz marisa of creative thursday
has tagged me in a "secret's of
dealing with adversity" podocast.

yesterday i had all these ideas

and thoughts that i was going

to share. but this afternoon...
i got a strong dose of displeasure

and it made me take a more
honest look at how i deal with
unpleasant issues.

first let me say, i am a scorpio...
i am passionate, loyal and extremely
jealous in nature. i hate the jealous
one, i truly do. i am also moody.
so when i have to deal with one of
life's curve balls, some days, i am
pretty much embarrassed by what
transpires. i end up with a pouty
attitude, i slip into the woe is me
syndrome and why is this dark

cloud hanging over my head. now
i will say that these less than attractive
ways are generally saved back for
bad haircuts, leaky faucets/pipes and
lemon cars. if we have a major health
issue, family/friend emergency, then

i can step up and say this is life and we

will make it through. for me, my unattractive
dealings tend to be when it has to do withme
personally. i do tend to suffer from low

self esteem, but as i get older, it last much
shorter spurts, of the woes. and in the creative
world, the less you take to heart the better.
i learned in college to take critiques and a
positive step, even the ugly ones. it is only
helpful to listen to feedback and use it in a
positive manner. please... for those of you reading
this and know me personallyyou don't need to
remind me of my short comings in this dept. i do
realize i am not 100%....but who is.

at the age of 21 i gave birth to a beautiful baby
girl. not only was i not married, but she was
bi-racial. recently a dear friend reminded me
of my courage and strength that i used while
raising her in a lilly white world. what most
people considered an adverse situation, i
considered only one thing, she was a godfilled
blessing, she was born -as we all are-

for a purpose.

2 years ago, i took a huge leap and some days
a huge pay cut, to start my little freelance studio.
in a career driven world....i take this as another
god filled blessing, that i am able to create on a
daily basis and get to be a full time mom to my kids,
who are proud of me. on days when checks aren't
coming in, i remind myself on the fact that - this is
my gift in life.

and most current days, when life shoves something

seemingly unpleasant at me - i instantly think of
henry tucker and caroline harmon. if you take time

to think of what others are dealing with, our own
adversity doesn't really seem like adversity. of
course, i am not perfect, like i said i am a scorpio...
i have to work at this!

on a happy note, today [she blooms] sold. it was
really hard to part with her. she was my first
true "the girl" piece. i didn't like her at first, but
when i hung her on the hallway wall, next to the
studio, i fell in love, so when the buyer showed
interest i had to really suck it up and let her go.
but she has found a fun place to hang with a pretty
funky chick who carries warhol train bags....

see each thing that we meet in life is just a simple
lesson, a blessing and eventhough at the moment
- it may not seem to be, it is just that.

holy crapola...i just realized that i didn't tell you
what my strong dose was today! bryce suggested
that we go to the mac store to finally purchase a
laptop. yes, i am a designer and i live without a
laptop. so we toodled over to keystone at the crossing,
to give a look see. as we entered the doors, i looked and
bryce and said" what the hell is this". lawn chairs
strategically positioned in three straight rows and a
security guard. IPHONE....people sitting waiting for a
$600 phone. and then the bad news. mac store closed
for 4 hours to prepare for phone sales and then when
the reopen tonight, only phone sales...the wind left my
soul for a quick moment. as bryce laughed, i could
envision myself kicking him in the shins. so now i am
laughing about the lunacy of it all. at the moment,
i played the part of the victim, which i seem to do with
such grace! like veruca salt said.... "but daddy i want
it now!"

what is your secret?

bless my soul *[original]

original...that is me. what you see is pretty
much what you get. now if i could just
remember where i left that self-confidence
and we will be back to normal.

after a good tongue-lashing, from my friend
miz becky. and a few others - i am feeling
so much better. its just that - a lot of people
look to me as the rock. but some days, i just
can't do it. that was last week. too many

crazy things came up and i let me mind

wander too far out. but i listened to myself,
my friends and thought of henryboy and
miz caroline. that always puts you back to
reality!

and speaking of originals.....i have put 4
originals from [thegirl] series on etsy....
check out my happygirl shop here.

blessings ya'll....

today

today...i wish i had the ability to write great,
inspiring ,insightful things. my mind is full of
thoughts and views, but to get them down
- here, seems to be impossible. from my head
to my fingers something gets lost, jumbled,
confused. i get frustrated with what i say
here, i don't think it makes sense. i have a
dear friend whose husband is extremely
smart. actually i am surrounded by i.q.
freaks. i am married to one. i wasn't blessed

in that way when i was born. -sorry back to

the story, he corrects my grammar and
actually i love him for it. his wife is mortified
when he does this, the only problem for me
is that my brain won't allow me to store it.
i have no short term rention, which sucks
because i love to read - studying is not a
pleasant thing for me and never was. for 2
days i have done nothing but have crying
spells. for a number of reasons, jobs have
hit me again. 5 big jobs all at once and i have
to get them done, who know when the next

will come in. kids are home for the summer, we
did great for 2 weeks - but this week, another
story. bryce is teaching summer tennis and
driver's ed.this week our lives has spun out
of control. i feel used up, chewed up and spit
out.

today...i am feeling this urgency to move
forward, but it seems like all my limbs are
being tightly held. i feel like the time is now
to jump and find where i fit in - in this world
of art. ihave so many ideas spilling out of this
crazy mind of mine, but nowhere to go with
them, no time to get them on my canvas full of
colors. i do know there is a place for me out there,
but finding the time to research, that is the kicker!
sometimes bryce gives me that look of well just do
it - i think he has a sick need to get his pretty
little face smacked. easier said than done. it is
the end of june and we have sat on our deck once
this summer. now that is craziness!

i truly apologize for having a crappy attitude today.

with all the suffering, illness and abuse out there,

i sound like a blubbering spoiled baby. but this is

where i can vent, i needed to get it out. i need

to stops the @#$#%@% tears.

i do know where my blessings lie......

my retreat, my studio

my friends who make me laugh uncontrollably

nick coming to give me a big hug [he had
just been with c in paris]

my growing garden

and the 5 housemates who some days just

about send me over the edge.

cheerio.....

peace

holy candles - notre dame, june 2007

[ when you are sorrowful look again
in your heart, and you shall see that
in truth you are weeping for that
which has been your delight.]

~kahlil gibran

henry tucker

cleats - digital rebel, june 07

and a woman spoke, saying, tell us of pain.
and he said: your pain is the breaking of the
shell that encloses your understanding. even as
the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart
may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.

and could you keep your heart in wonder at the
daily miracles of your life, your pain would not
seem less wondrous than your joy;

and you would accept the seasons of your heart,
even as you have always accepted the seasons
that pass over your fields. and you would watch
with serenity through the winters of your grief.

much of your pain is self-chosen. it is bitter
potion by which the physician within you heals
your sick self. therefore trust the physician,
and drink his remedy in silence and
tranquility:

for his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided
by the tender hand of the unseen,

and the cup he brings, though it burn your lips,
has been fashioned of the clay which the potter
has moistened with his own sacred tears.

~kahlil gibran, the prophet [ on pain]

peace be with you henryboy....

bless my soul *[scorpio]

******************
I suggest we title this chapter of your
life story "The Perplexing Joy of Hundreds
of Emotions," or maybe "The Wild Peace
of Way Too Many Feelings." That may be
a bit of an exaggeration, but it's an apt
reflection of your immediate future:
extreme, expansive, melodramatic,
spectacularly educational, and filthy
rich with intrigue. You may not break the
world's record for most mood shifts in a
good cause, but you could very well
smash your own personal record.

*****************
scorpio horoscope - week of june 7th

thea directed me to this horoscope. why don't you play
too. oh, btw - this is smack me in the face - honest!
bryce and i just had a long conversation about [ME] tonight.
damn - i hate #$%@^& hate when he is right.

shoes

shoes, canon rebel - june 2007

walmart + $10 = shoes
kelly + no organizational skills = messy desk

rock on henry and caroline! you are my heros

happy weekend ya'll

bless my soul [henry tucker!]

there is a young lad in our sleepy little town,
whose name is henry tucker. i have written
several times about henry and his fight against
cancer. he is still fighting. he and his family and
a large group of team henry are asking for
prayers. today his lovely mom, michelle started
his blog off with this.....

Even if you suffer from a long term-condition, there
is defiantely a way of not falling into despair. If you
are a a Buddhist, tell yourself: "consider the countless
beings that are suffering just like you and pray that
their suffering may help to appease theirs. If you do
not have the strength to reflect this way, the simple
fact of being aware that you are not alone and that
many others are in the same situation will help you
to bear your hardship.

If you are a Christain and you have faith in God as
creator of the universe, comfort yourself by thinking,
"i have not wanted this suffering, but there must be
a reason for it since God, in his compassion, has
given me life.

If you do not have any religious faith, you can think
that however terrible your misfortune, you are not
the only one to suffer in this way. Even if you have
no belief, try to imagine, above the area of your pain,
a vivid light that pervades and dissolves your pain,
and see if that helps.
-The Dalai Lama

she is a true hero as henry and his whole family are
to those of us who check in daily with them. i am so
drawn to the tuckers and their story. my heart is
breaking knowing that henry has had to endure such
obstacles in his young life. today the tears have finally
caught up with me. he is such a champ.

please take a moment to pray, meditate or offer up
whatever it is that makes you feel at peace. ask
that henry, is peaceful and happy, surrounded with
a powerful light of hope, strength and continual
peace - love - grace.

you can visit henry and the gang here

blessings.....

esty bitty step

etsy is now open! four prints to choose from
note cards coming soon.

you can find the happygirlshop here!

c'mon let's play------------------->

for caroline

i am caroline [copyright 2007 kelly barton/indigosoul]

i had so much fun with this piece! a sassy super
girl for a very spunky brave girl....

Caroline was diagnosed with Juvenile
Myelomonocytic Leukemia on December 19, 2006.
It is an extremely rare form of leukemia.

if you would like to read more about caroline
and her family....you can click here to visit her
caring bridge site. please take the time to stop
by and even leave her and her dedicated cutie
mom a note of encouragement....and tell them
kelly sent you!

and by the way, her favorite color is purple, just
in case you couldn't tell!

saturday aches

little miz campbell, the aviator

i woke up this morning with my neck out of sink.
i hate feeling like this, allergy season is weighing
heavily on my body.

we had a long week and i am not sleeping well.
of course, that could be because, i am burning
the candle at both ends again, not eating right
or exercising and i need to get back into surrounding
myself with those who i love most.

on the brite and happy note - i am painting in the studio

almost daily. fresh varnish coats my latest creations
and campindigosoul will soon be live, along with the happy

girl etsy shop. my feet are barely touching the ground
i am so damn excited!

my life is filled with many blessings, but today i ask
that you send prayers and zen to these amazing
heros in my life, each who are hanging tight in the fight
against cancer. they and their loved ones are my
daily reminders of what life is truly about.

henry tucker - caroline harmon - wilbur isom

blessings ya'll

illustration friday *[signs]

blue [copyright kelly barton/indigosoul] mixed media

12x12x2 inches deep

paper, acrylics, silver leaf

and graphite.

hmmm...signs is the IF subject for this week. most

people think blue means sad or in a funky mood.

but to me, it is when iam in my creative mode.

i love the word blue, i dig it. so blue is the sign

of my creative happy mind.

looking for more signs.....walk this way!

happy weekend, ya'll!

bless my soul *[indigo]

find this here!

once again, i am a copykat. miz kellyrae posted this on her site.
i can't help it! i just love seeing my name spelled out! if you want
to see something really crazy, visit sasha wizansky at her new
publication called meat paper. she is a really talented chick!
this is what i found at meat paper....the hamburger alphabet.
i wanted to throw up when i first saw it, but shit - its funny!

i swear someone could hire me to research great new sites!
if only....imagine getting paid to surf the net, for funky finds.

so it thursday and i've been blessed, here.....

my new garden and buddha shrine
my mother's day easel....no more painting on my lap!
tom's honesty and friendship
c, turning 21 and heading to london for the summer
this happy studio, that is growing with new paintings

artistic creative chickadees who have taken the time
to include me in their world

oh and here too....miz delilahblue the sassy airepooch
nothing better then a 60lb pup climbing in your lap for
a snuggle and finally - b, g and little c who i spend my
everyday with whether the sun shines or not.

blessings ya'll!

bless my soul *[buddah happy]

happy yard, mothers day 2007

mothers day was spent in the yard, planting,
moving, fixing and spreading. sipping cold
beer, uhing and ahing over all my new buddahs
and such. it was a gorgeous day, where a long
drive took us to a local greenhouse that carrys
many eclectic flowers and art. i giggle each time
i look out over the yard and see our creations.

how did you spend your day.....

bless my soul *[ b ]

b and me, st. louis - april 2007

i honestly don't know what i would do if b wasn't
in my life. he is my rock. and right now i need
a big rock. i am sure there are days he gets tired
of being that rock, but he sucks it up and keep
me on the right road. he is conservative and i tend
to miss the path. i am the one that leaves the
path too look at the flower in the middle of the
field, or the person walking by who i think i recognize.
i tend to get off focus, he is always focused. i live
in the creative mode, he lives in the prepare for
tomorrow mode. i love color, he could care less.
i lead with emotion - he with his practical thinking.
i cry and he looks and me and says [what on earth
are you crying about] and most days, i need that.
i am really beginning to wonder if i am going to be able

to maintain this creative path. i lost a big job

recently - i couldn't even tell bryce for 4 days. i was

embarrassed, worried and actually pissed off. pissed

off because, i did everthing i was asked to do. as far
as i am concerned, i was brought in as a buffer - and
when it didn't work, they went back to the old way.
now i know why i need contracts. i am tired of being
considered the clean up point. i am tired of being stepped
on and i am really tired of feeling second rate.

i have fallen behind, because i am constantly taking little
jobs that carry me through - but end up costing more
that what i can possibly make $$. i am the independent
designer, i have a lot to offer - but in this world of bullshiters
they go with who ever plays the part. i don't play the part.
i am not bells and whistles. i will not sell my soul to the devil.
i have been painting and finishing up my website. next i will
be photographing my originals for prints, and getting more
card designs finished for my site as well. my etsy site is waiting
too. but trying to get this all together and working on designs
jobs that pay the bills, trucking my kids all over town, cooking
dinner, helping friends, walking delilah - wow....i am pooped.

needless to say no much left over for me. and so, i need to
find the road of staying on point, and feeling good about the
blessings and talents that i have been given. today - i am not
feeling good about any of it. i am very fragile and i am going to
take a bit of time to embrace that. ignoring it hasn't worked.
so what the hell - i will try it this way - what can it hurt.

the funny this is - as much as b is my rock. i know that i am

a rock for others. and i am blessed by that. it feels good to know
that i have made a difference in others lives, that my kids learn
from me and that b loves me. so for today, i will make that enough.
if anyone has any advice or ways that you stay focused with your
creative career...i am all ears. in the meantime, i am going to make it
a goal to finish [creatively self-employed] i am sure that the stories
kristen shares will put me back on the path!

blessings....

blue

Your Aura is Blue

Spiritual and calm, you tend to live a quiet but enriching life. You are very giving of yourself. And it's hard for you to let go of relationships. The purpose of your life: showing love to other people Famous blues include: Angelina Jolie, the Dali Lama, Oprah Careers for you to try: Psychic, Peace Corps Volunteer, Counselor

What Color Is Your Aura?

nothing shocking here. i know this, my family and friends know this. hence

indigo - indigosoul. i love being blue.

bryce ran the mini today - maybe i will give it a try next year.

blessing ya'll

if *[remember]

[love wide]

illustration friday topic - remember....

i traveled to new orleans november 06, i have

not forgotten the damage....love wide.

24 x 24 inches, wood panel

mixed media

acrylics, oil crayons, graphite, silver leaf
dictionary pages and katrina images.

oh....i didn't think i was going to get this one done

blessings ya'll

dancing queen

auntie lynne [circa 1954...ish]

today is big BIG BIG day in the nation. i am

so disappointed after visiting many blogs, that

not one, that's right no one mentioned the

30th birthday of abba's [dancing queen].

so happy birthday girlie....you brought this little

girl many happy days listening to the old am/fm.

my mind swirls with disco lites and dizziness from

the constant circles of the old skate corral...all skate.

yes, yes - i know i am once again dating myslelf. but

i don't care! you are the dancing queen, young and sweet,

only seventeen...uh yeah!

today 30 years later, i still turn it up loud when it comes

on the radio. its on my mp3 players. if i am in the studio

i get up and dance, cmon - you know you do too.

if your you diggin the dancing queen...dance this way

[You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life

See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen]

bless my soul *[boots]

boots

mixed media
acrylics, graphite
silver leaf, and
found papers
24x24x.25 inch deep
wood block

...where have your boots taken you.

why

as the tragedy at virginia tech unfolds, please remember them in your prayers, thoughts,
daily meditation. please remember those who are lost, suffering and in need of human
kindness. and as you do this - don't forget to say thank you for all of your blessings that
have been sent your way.

on a daily basis, i become agited - stressed, etc....and sometimes i forget that i have to
accept those that i love for who they are, not for who i want them to be.
and if you have any extra room in your day, here are some that i would like to be
remembered.

caroline the divine princess and her family - new healthy cells for her body
henry, baby george and the tucker family - go away bad cells, we are tired of seeing you.
rachel and linda and uncle wilber- successful cancer treatments
a healthier heart for my dad [ he loves his food and beer]
and again, for the victims at virginia tech, their families and the community.

blessings to each and everyone of you and yours